Scientology is a delightful young religion that is based around a quaint little sci-fi story that puts Star Trek to shame. The belief is that a bunch of aliens were put on earth and killed with volcanoes and hydrogen bombs by an evil over lord named Xenu about 75 billion years ago, AKA before the earth was actually formed. Therefore, supposedly, these aliens haunt people’s minds and explain all the bad things in life like your bad hair days and why mommy never loved you. People then pay the “church” tons of money so that they can remove the aliens, and so that they can read more science fiction. They all seem to worship Tom Cruise who can supposedly fly, and despite the fact that he’s a pretty good blockbuster actor, is a pretty lame religious figure. People who have followed Scientology have a tendency to go insane, and people who attempt to expose it for what it really is have a tendency to go missing or wind up dead. Scientologsts don’t believe in psychiatry or modern medicine and this probably doesn’t help that fact. L. Ron Hubbard, who started this all, popped a lot of pills and shrooms and beat his wife. He was also quoted as saying “religion is where the money is”. He serves as a fundamental reminder to all writers like myself that if you’re going to try and start something with a a story, make sure it’s a good one. If you feel this way as well, don’t share near scientologists or they will find you and eat your face.


I read this in class today. It was fun. And then we had a lively discussion about scientology, despite the fact that this paper had little to do with the actual subject at hand.